When human beings live or work together, conflict is inevitable. We all have different assumptions, expectations, values & needs. So it is impossible to expect that you will not disagree with another person at one point or another. Rather, we need to handle conflict when it happens so that we learn and grow as individuals, teams & companies. We need to see it as an opportunity to evolve our thinking & ideas and gain a deeper understanding of how others’ see the world. This can only happen if we are willing to look at something from another’s point of view without judging it as right or wrong, but simply different. To do this, we must be able to have an open, honest conversation with someone about their perspective and share ours without needing to “be right”. The more perspectives we get, the bigger the picture is that we see. The more likely our solutions will be win-win. This is true for every relationship and organization – have the conversation!
Most of us have grown up in a world, where “handling conflict” was not something we witnessed adults doing. Conflict was either avoided completely or when it did happen, it was not in front of us as children. We may have witnessed arguing, fighting, shouting, silence, giving in, walking away; but rarely did we witness two adults discussing an important topic where they disagreed, in a way that moved the conversation forward and perhaps together came up with a third idea which was better than either of their ideas to start with…….As children we learnt that conflict was to be avoided and certainly not to be created, which has led to most of us being uncomfortable around it. Have you ever been in a meeting where someone openly disagrees with another and felt awkward? Like you should either say something to lighten up the mood or move on quickly to the next topic? Have you disagreed with a colleague or partner and then felt the need to walk away to get some fresh air or started avoiding them completely? These are all signs of dysfunction which are caused by conflict….. BUT conflict can just as easily lead to creativity!
The definition of conflict: a serious disagreement or argument
When you seriously disagree with someone, it simply means that they see things differently to you. Perhaps what they see is in fact quite the opposite of what you see. The question is are you interested in how or why they see things so differently to you (perhaps you’ve missed something, overlooked something, or alternatively you will confirm for yourself that what you’ve always thought is the truth). What if the belief you have about something is simply untrue? And that belief is detrimental to you, your life, your business, family etc? What if both of you are wrong? What if the truth lies somewhere in between both of your ideas and what if you could both realize that by having the conversation about how you each see things differently and why? Now add a couple more people to the same conversation,each with their own angle and perception….as you all discuss how you see things, each one sees a bigger picture than they saw before. Each person starts to understand different elements that they had not thought of or seen before and by the end of the conversation, each person leaves with an expanded version of reality. In organisations, teams and families this expanded version of reality, helps everyone to think in new ways and collectively find solutions that better serve everyone involved.
If we can change the way we handle conflict, we can move from dysfunction to creativity. Imagine what the world would look like if we could start embracing difference, instead of wanting everyone to conform to societal norms and ideals……
